LAN CLUB

    LAN  stands for local area network.  And that means any two or more computers hooked up on a network.  Now if you know anything about cyber cafes or internet gaming than you know what a LAN party is.  For those who don't know what the HELL I'm talking about then go to Google and look up LAN party.  My parents had card parties.  My mom was a Cribbage master.  She and my Dad would invite their friends over in the 1970's and play cards and cribbage all night long.  Well my group of friends don't play cards.  Our version of cards is hooking up 4 or more computers and playing games like Counter Strike, Battlefield 1942, Medal of Honor, Day of  Defeat, Ghost Recon and any other FPS type games.  RPG's are fun, but I was never a dungeons and dragons  type of nerd. (although I really wanted to be, especially after I saw E.T., but I didn't have any friends that new how to play)  FPS games are great games to play if your just sitting around.  If your familiar with any type of first person shooter then you know the controls on your keyboard.  If you don't know the keyboard controls it only takes a half hour to learn to be able to play.  Worse case scenario you run around John Wayne style and go for body count.  Unlike a an role playing game when you spend hours and hours making your character unbeatable and making him/her stronger an FPS game is just pure instant gratification.  Some groups have LAN parties in which you bring your own computer and you pay a cover fee that pays for pizza and prizes and maybe the hall your renting.  Well I have a different kind of LAN party.  It's called LAN Club.  The first rule of  Lan Club is there is no Lan Club.

    It goes something like this.  I take the winner of the night and pit him/her against the loser of the night in a one on one beat down  match in the basement.  And the person that wins the hand to hand combat round is the true overall winner.  My whole point is this.  You may have what it takes to be a winner in a virtual world but can't defend yourself in the real world where if you die you die for good.  Every hit to the body has a real time reaction called pain.  If you can't deal with this, then don't come to any of my LAN parties.  Some players go home with broken noses, and black eyes but who cares.  The only thing that I require for you to play is some type of medical insurance.  Now if I get two wimps in the basement/dungeon who are tapping each other with fake blows then I bring out the end level villain/monster. 

    The end level villain/monster is a name I call him.  The name comes from video games in which you had to defeat the last monster on a level to continue to the next stage.  I was getting to many feather tapping nerds at my parties.  They would sissy slap each other for the five minutes of the fight.  After making his first appearance a few lan's ago my nerd attendance dropped and the hand to hand combat match became real.  The end level villain/monster works like this.  The villain/monster takes on both fighters at the same time in a 2 minute round.  The two fighters can use nothing but their hands however the villain monster has one weapon.  Two socks, one inside the other, with a full 12oz  coke can inside.  After losing a few teeth to this BAD ASS, most players decide that fighting the loser or winner of the night isn't so bad.